Here kitty, kitty, kitty. I brought home my kitten today. She made some noise on the way home, but as soon as I opened her box she almost immediately started purring like a small engine. I didn't have aname for her, the pound called her Doty. That sounds like some old persons name. No offense out there if you happen to have that name. I am proud to now have a new friend. It is amazing, if youn only knew where I came from, what I was doing almost every waking moment of my life. I am in recovery, in case you didn't know. I have just over 18 months clean. 18 months ago, I was living and using on thew streets of Long Beach, California. Crack cocaine was my party of choice. It was no party, it was sad and humiliating. I even tried to take myself out, obviously I failed. Anyway, I guess the freason for my post today is that no what your situation is it is possible to make things better, by following other peoples advice that went or are going through ther same situation. I guess that is what this web site is about. A place to encourage, share experience, strength, and hope. Hopefully I am not sounding to cliche, but if I can do it anybody can. I am not sure if people actually get to read my words, maybe they do maybe they don't, but the important part is that I want to share, I want to help, I truly would love to give you something of value. 18 months ago, I had nothing of value, and if I did I wasn't sharing anything. Things do change, perspective, beliefs, and ones spiritrual connection can become more clear. Well my friends, it is time for my next class, its called Group Dynamics, cool class. Yes it is true I am going to school, to get certified as an alcohol and drug counselor. Wow life is good.
Peace Out ezduzitjoey 3-15-2011
Today I attempted to act like a productive, responsible human being. I believe I failed miserably. I graduated the resedential treatment program I was in for 18 months on March 3rd. I moved into my own one bedroom apartment on that same evening. I haven't had my own place since I was 22 years old, and that was a long time ago. I should be proud of all I have accomplished but for some reason I feel empty inside. I know I have a lot to be grateful for and yet I don't seem to be gratefull. Does this make me ungratefull ?, most likely. I have been in some type of institution or another for most of my adult life, and I guess it just allseems so strange. I of course also feel lonely, which doesn't help matters. Do you ever notice that when you are not in a relationship, you notice couples, and you try to figure out why they are together, and what the hell does she see in him. I know he could be the nicest, most caring individual, but my perception is that the guy is a looser, and if he is a looser and has her than what does that say about me ? I know the cliche about comparing my insides to peoples outsides, or at least my perception of what I see as reality. Either way it just plain hurts. I have been alone most of my adult life and I know it was because it is difficult to have a healthy relationship, if your in custody, and when out of custody your messed up out of your mind. All thes factors do not contribute to having a happy fullfiilled life. I end up in yet another program, except this time I stick and stay. I work hard and save up a bunch of money, I go back to school, I get my own place, with the help of section 8 of course but it is my place. So here I am at 12:50 am writing this after trying all day to accomplish something very important for school and all I got was rejection. I haven't given up, I will not give up. I guess the only reason I am posting this is because maybe somebody will hear me and respond. Then maybe I won't feel like such an idiot, like all this work is for not. I mean if you make a life for yourself and have nobody to share it with, then what is it worth ? Maybe I am looking at this all wrong but that is okay too, because it is how I feel, and maybe all too much thinking as well. Anyway, it is late and I am tired, maybe I just needed to talk about it, write about it, to find some type of release, Thank for listening :( ezduzitjoey
hello my friends we meest again. where should i begin ? yes it is true i am a certified nut who wants attention thus i am writing this blog in hopes of receiving some. Its wednesday evening, i went to school but the teacher was a no show, so i am sitting here in a coffee bean typing you thiis dribble. i would hope that i could possibly inspire someone to reach beyond their comfort zone, to take a risk and try the impossible. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. I was asked today why i want to be a drug and alcohol counselor, and my answer was that i want to help people, i want the them to see that they do not have to go do the depths of hell that i went to. to spend most of your adult life in custody is no walk in the park and the only thing you learn there is how to manufacture speed or make pruno. well my friends out there in internet space i am about to post this and see what response it may or may not bring for that matter.
hello everyone out there in wonderland. The day is fast approaching when I can finally move into my new apartment. It is any short a miracle that this happening to me. I have not had my own place since I was 22 years old and lets just say that was a very long time ago. I got connected to an organization called HPRP which is paying my security deposit and my first months rent. I am also trying to haverthem pay for the utilities being turned on as well. My life today barely resembles the previous one. I am in a program called New Directions in los Angeles for Veterans. I have been there almost 18 months. I hope to move out on the 3rd of March. I am excited about simple things like shopping for kitchen stuff to looking for furniture and eventually even getting a cat. Yes I said a cat. I go to school full time, I also take anither class pon Saturdays called CAARR which is for alcohol and drug counseling. That is also my major in school. I want to be able to give back what was so freely given to me. I could complain about stuff like I am alone and have been for a very long time, but that was because I was using and wasn't present for life. I am not sure what God has in store for me but thus far He has looked out for me better than I could have imagined. It sucks being alone, or at least feeling that way, but some how I manage to get through thte day despite my perception being that every body has some one except me. I know this isn't true but sometimes it does not feel that way. Well to much whinning about that situation right ? I hope every one finds what they are searching for and my prayers are always with you. Have a wonderful day ezduzitjoey
I am not sure where you live but if you live in Los angeles there is a program called HPRP. What they do is help people get off the streets and into stable housing. They pay the security deposit and turn on the utilities. I hope this helps.
ezduzitjoey
Hello out there, boy oh boy am I burnt out. I have been running around like a chicken with his head lopted off. I am hungry, lonely, and tired, what's a guy to do ? I have been shopping the past few days getting stuff for an apartment I don't have yet. It is just in limbo until this program called HPRP gets aproval to pay my security deposit,first months rent and turn on the utilities. This process takes roughly 30 days and I am growing impatient. I have waited 17 months, a few day shouldn't matter but I find myself just ready and everyday stuff seems to piss me off more than usual. Anyway I know I am whinning, but heh at least I can do it hear instead of bothering some stranger on the bus.LOL Well I have to go for now because I need to fill out an application for a job working for the federal government, wish me luck. EZDUZITJOEY (:
Tonight is Saturday evening, and I hope all is well with everyone out there. I more than realize how frustrating things can get, and how things most times do not fall into the time frame we wish. I truly believe that if we continue to do what is right, then good things happen, of course there are no absolutes,but that is just my experience. I believe I found a place ( apartment ) to live. I have not had my own place since I was 22 years old, and that was a long time ago. I meet the owner tomorrow, and I hope all goes well. It is a one bedroom, one bath, a nice kitchen, new carpet, new paint and there is a swimming pool just out my front door. I do not know about you but I am pretty nervous about all of it. So many changes have happened for me in a very short while ( 17 months) to be exact. This sobriety thing has a lot of advantages, and I am truly blessed. I can only pray that your higher power takes care of you and guides all of you through whatever it is you have to go through. That is all for tonight, I have to do some more stuff on this computer while I have the chance. I will check back before shutting down for the evening. (: ezduzitjoey
Hello everyone, I am doing my best not to get overly frustrated in my aparment search. I finally get my section eight voucher, what a blessing right ? But nobody wants to take unless it is in a neighborhood I don't wish to live in. If any one knows of a nice place that accepts section eight that is close to Los Angeles City college please let me know, I would be extremely gratefull. Luv ya joey
I am a homeless veteran, that by defintion is homeless, but in reality have been living in a program for 17 months. I am just about to move out. I have not had my own place since I was 22 years old, and just trust me that was a very long time ago. I am excited but of course I a little afraid as well. I have done a lot of work to get to this point, I just wasn't homeless, I am an addict (In Recovery), and I also deal with BI-Polar 1 disorder, notice I said deal with not suffer. I am no longer a victim. I am getting all types of help from all types of different places. Just to name a few Dept. of Voc Rehab, Section 8 housing, HPRP for help with my security deposit, financial aid from school for my books, financial aid via pell grants, a fee waiver for my units at school, andlast but not least I receive SSI. All this did not come about overnight, it came by filling out a heap of forms, standing in lines, a S-Load of waiting. The only thing I haven't found out about is help with my utilities, but I know I will. My sincere hope is that some day I will be able to help some other dual diagnosed person find some peace within and not be so willing to self-medicate,or even worse self-destruct. I have spent a lot of my life locked up, I started doing prison time in 1993, I got a new prison # in 1995 and finally discharged that # after 17 years. That is a very long time, but I didn't have to worry about paying the light bill. LOL Anyway if anyone wants to know what steps I took to get to where I am at today, I would gladly share the info. May God Bless you and keep you until then. ezduzitjoey 1/22/11
I just went through the process on line which included taking an entrance test. First you need to apply for financial aid, then you need to give whatever documents the financial aid office may be requesting to complete the process, then after you receive your award letter, you can go on line and begin the process of getting a loan. To be honest the whole thing has me pretty confused but I have learned to just say I don't know can you PLEASE help me. I believe I just asked for a 3,500 dollar loan as a first year college student.I will go to school early this up and coming week and will post what happens when I go to the Financial aid office with my loan application, which by the way can be printed on line for free.
